just a question to girls that wear the hijab or used to wear it and are living in a non muslim country: do you guys sometimes feel left out? do you sometimes get bitter feelings about what you think people think of you for wearing the hijab?
i don’t know how to explain it, but for once i’m being honest with myself. i’m beginning to find hijab hard to keep on. i thought i’d never say this, but it’s how i feel. at this stage i feel like i could never take it off and that it’s part of me. but i can’t help but feel like i don’t belong. especially when i go out to lovely places and all people my age are so beautifully dressed and are in groups with friends. when i get looked at in a bad way, i feel down. sometimes i feel bitter. and no matter how many times i say to myself i don’t care about what people think, the truth is, i do. and it’s beginning to effect my iman, life, and who i am as a person.
i guess you could say i am weak.
all i want is to feel accepted and to feel like i belong. i rarely feel that, and it sucks. i’m sick of having to feel defensive. of having to prove to people that i am an individual, a human being. i’m tired of getting looks. sometimes i feel like it’s too much to take.
this thursday, it’ll be a full 4 years i’ve been wearing the hijab. and strangely enough my 4th year has been the hardest.
it’s only been recently that i’ve admitted this to myself. been honest with myself. so i want to know, am i the only one that feels this way? am i the only one that gets bitter thoughts?